Thursday, February 3, 2011

It's like a game show! But if you answer wrong, they detain you!

Where is the one place that you will be interviewed like a contestant on a speed dating show, treated like a criminal, and if you're feeling lucky, will have your car searched by a canine team?

Why, it's the border to your own country of course!


Look, I get it. It's the one stop before we let some psychotic bloodthirsty Canadian, hell bent on world domination into our country. I can't blame the guys at the border for taking their job too seriously, but I'm a college student without a criminal record that frequently crosses into Canada (AT LEAST once a month). Is it really necessary for you to tear my car apart every time I cross, officer? Are you going to at least take my car to dinner before ravaging it? No? Oh god, your hand is in there all nice n' deep like...


THIS is why I hate the border. Because no matter what, if I cross the border alone, I am held up for an hour while getting drilled with off putting, captious questions by Captian Cockbag the Rent-A-Cop while his BFF tears apart the interior of my car.  They actually brought out the drug dogs last time. I wish I were lying.

I wouldn't even mind it if the questions were on target, but I don't want to talk about what school I go to for five minutes before they ask me if I'm a coke fiend. I kid you not, this conversation happened word for word.

"So how did you meet this person you're going to see?"
"On World of Warcraft. We met on there about three years ago and have been hanging out ever since"
"World of Warcraft?"
"Yeah it's a-"
"I KNOW WHAT IT IS. Do you have any weed in the car?"
"Wha- No! Of course not"
"That's good. What school do you go to?"
"Schoo-"
"WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SMOKED POT?!"

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There must be something about my appearance that screams shady drug dealer. Sorry officer, I left my top hat and monocle at home. Could I persuade you with some tea and crumpets?

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Some chill dubstep. Sunlight by Modestep!

20 comments:

  1. Well, at least they knew what WoW is. They might have thought it was a gang or something. :D

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  2. This doesn't surprise me in the least bit, I'm assuming that this happens on the way back from Canada too, probably when you gotta be home because you have something to do, or really don't feel like being harassed...

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  3. He actually asked me if I was selling my account. After I said no, he said good, because it's illegal to do so.

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  4. I hate canadian border check.

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  5. I've been stuck on the border check once before. It. Fucking. SUCKED!

    After being there for 20 minutes, I told them I wanted a supervisor. A few minutes later, this old guy came up to me car. I said, "With all due respect, I am an American Citizen. I'm trying to get home, and I don't appreciate being held up this long. I was born and raised on the south side of Chicago, current Mayor, Rich Daley. Current president George W. Bush, 50 stars on a field of blue and 13 stripes, 7 red, 6 white. I have nothing from Canada except a case of Mountain Dew and some jerky I picked up earlier, I do consent to a search."

    They let me go 30 seconds later, with 6 ozs of weed.

    You just need to know how to play the game.

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  6. Ooh, that sounds awful. I'm amused that he thought you might sell your account across the border, and even more so that he thought it was illegal (bannable from the game =/= illegal, I don't think).

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  7. LMAO. Awesome story, Chi. :D

    And naw. I have nothing to get caught with! Lol. Just pissed about how they rape my car every time I cross. Literally everything pulled out of the glove box, under the seats, ect.

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  8. ohhh, that's kind of creepy. I hate the border check.

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  9. I hate the border check too. Great post btw.

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  10. Thanks Fight for your follow and daily comments, they mean a lot man. Great stuff too.

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  11. lol that convo was funny

    your friend,
    ectomorphmuscle.blogspot.com

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  12. Border patrol... Hold up the good guys while the smugglers cruise on through.

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  13. Wow. That cop must have some sort of bias or something.

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  14. the problem was you weren't wearing a top hat and monocle.

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  15. Some people take their jobs far too seriously.

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  16. wow this is crazyness! I really like the blog man, you're a funny writer. Followed.

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